Learning Albanian, my mother tongue

Learning Albanian

I’ve started taking Albanian language classes. Digging in my roots sparked new insights into who I really am.

This is the beginning of a journal series. I’ll be capturing my learning journey in the Albanian language, my mother tongue I feel a bastard to. In this article I paint a picture of who I am, my unique worldview, and how that has sparked me to start studying Albanian.

The tree grows only as high as its roots are deep

I’d like to consider myself to be an educated and worldly person. Like most people, I think a lot, have lots of creative ideas, and feel deep emotions. I’ve discovered that it’s imperative for me to share what takes place in the depths of me. Yet, for the past 27 years there has always been a sense of disconnect in my personality, and it all starts with my roots; the Albanian language.

Authenticity is very important to me. I’m aware of the power of words and how crucial they are to let the real me shine through. Despite being raised in Albanian and always having talked the language with my parents and closer family, I’ve never felt like I was able to bridge the linguistic and cultural canyon standing in between me and the other.

Language is pure magic. It’s the tool that allows us to express what happens inside of us. And just as magical as it is, it can be equally as frustrating. I believe nothing to be more frustrating than being limited in my speech. When the rich world from within only translates to a poor expression on the outside, feelings and ideas get lost in translation, making us feel more lonely and isolated. It often reminds me of that scene in Modern Family where Gloria feels so frustrated, embarrassed and misunderstood for trying to be herself in a foreign language.

Now for me (and so many other second generation immigrants) this phenomenon lies even deeper. Having been raised in an Albanian home culture and visiting my family in Kosovo yearly, I’ve always felt like I couldn’t express myself for who I really was. I’d be defenseless in protecting my authenticity. The salvos of personal questions, unsolicited advice, and hurtful jokes left me smiling like a dog. Without the ammunition of my mother tongue, the split between my family and my individuality grew wider.

It’s nobody’s fault, but what are we going to do about it?

For the longest time, I looked to find a culprit for this suffering. I blamed myself for not being more curious as a kid, I blamed my parents for not teaching me more, and I blamed the Albanian language for being such a freakishly difficult language. Over the years I realized that there was no one or nothing to blame. I had grown to accept the situation as it was.

Recently I learned Spanish in less than 6 months. Learning a new language from scratch, using it in Latin America, and feeling like language gaps could, indeed, be overcome, shifted my beliefs. After I returned from Ecuador, I simply couldn’t stay complacent with my level of Albanian.

“Nothing changes, unless you do.”

I almost started learning Albanian out of spite, but the core motive behind it comes from a place of love. Similarly as I learned Spanish, I found an online tutor on Preply. Preply is an online platform where people from all around the world can offer their services to teach any subject. After some trials and errors I met up with Besarta. She’s an English teacher in Kosovo. Being able to express myself in English and Albanian has been very helpful. 

I’ve been taking three to four weekly classes for the past month. It’s amazing how much I’ve grown over this period of time. I’m learning everything I felt I had missed out, and more. Besides learning grammar and vocabulary, I’m also learning about the culture from somebody in the culture. It has been an amazing journey so far, and I’m very excited to continue it.

As I keep learning and growing I’ll also journal about my progress. Stay tuned for updates on the impact of learning my mother tongue!

Blog out,

Durim

Ostend, 18/01/’24